In a recent Facebook group for therapists all over the country, someone asked the rest of us to share the phrase we most often say to our clients. Beyond being a fun conversation to read and contribute to, I had the idea to capture these statements and share them together for others, because while these phrases are simple they're also quite wise and powerful. Powerful if we're intentional in weaving them into our lives, I should add. Reading these words isn't enough - the trick is to take them from the page and find ways to incorporate them into our daily experience.
So here it is - some unexpected, simple wisdom that hopefully resonates with you:
It's neither good nor bad. It just is.
Don’t go down the rabbit hole.
You’re worthy of love and goodness.
Lean into the discomfort.
Put your own oxygen mask on before you help others with theirs. You can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself first.
Good isn’t a feeling. What emotion are you really feeling right now? It can help to name it.
Multiple things can be true at once.
Nothing changes, if nothing changes.
Is that fact or feeling? Examine the facts.
Remember, others have created a role for you in their lives - it doesn’t mean you need to accept the role.
You are worthy.
Would you rather be right or be happy?
If you could, you would.
Focus on what you can control.
It’s so tough, not knowing.
If you want to change someone else’s behavior, you need to change your own.
Try not to "should" all over yourself.
Other people can handle their own shit. Leave theirs to them.
It’s okay, you can take off the cape now.
It’s normal to feel that way.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You're doing the best you can.
When would now be a good time?
Your feelings are valid. Of course you feel that way.
Feelings are not facts.
It is what it is.
The only way out is through.
Let it be. Sometimes it just is.
I think the clinical word for that is "shitty".
Maybe it's both-and.
Stop banging on a wall expecting it to become a door.
Where do you feel that in your body?
Just because someone thinks/feels something doesn’t mean it’s true.
What would it be like to sit in the discomfort?
It is okay if you don't know right now.
Can you let it be okay that you don't know right now?
Feelings are just information, not facts.
The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself...be kind!
Let’s relax your body so your mind can relax too.
Feelings are asking to be felt.
Sounds like you are human after all.
You can’t control anyone’s behavior but your own. Stop trying.
Listen to your *insert emotion*. What is that part of yourself trying to tell you?
If that feeling had words, what would they be?
Being a human is hard.
You don’t have to believe everything you think.
You can only show up with your 50% of the relationship.
FEAR can either stand for "fuck everything and run" or "face everything and recover".
Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would treat others with.
The core of who you are is love.
Who can you control?
All feelings are necessary.
Grief is like a waves. It comes in waves. We need to learn to ride those waves.
Approach that part of you with curiosity and acceptance, understanding it’s there for reason.
If only one person in this equation can be happy, you get to pick you.
Does that belong to you, or is this person trying to get you to carry their stuff again?
Good is not a feeling.
We don’t know what we don't know...till we know it!
What would you like or want instead?
What we tell ourselves is what we believe.
You take care of you.
Can you be curious about that?
What’s the story you’re telling yourself here?
You are responsible for how you show up in the world.
Be gentle with yourself.
Allow your breath to have some sound.
Do something different to get something different.
Don’t run away from fear, it may have an important message for you.
Learn to feel more comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Give yourself grace and space.
How would you respond to someone you love who said the same thing you're saying?
We’re all doing the best we can.
We can’t rush healing.
No, it's not a mystery. She’s telling you what she needs.
We repeat what we don’t repair.
Turn off your brain and engage your body.
Progress, not perfection.
You're having a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances.