In a recent feature by Catherine Pearson for the New York Times, I had the opportunity to contribute thoughts on a rising relationship trend known as “mankeeping.” What follows are some expanded reflections based on that article and my own work as a therapist supporting men and couples.
“Mankeeping” may be a new term, but the dynamic it describes is familiar to many couples. It refers to the emotional labor women often take on in relationships with men—becoming the partner’s main (or only) source of emotional support, encouragement, and social connection.
The concept was explored recently in a New York Times article (unlocked version here), where I was quoted as a therapist who works closely with men and couples navigating these very issues.
What does emotional labor look like in a relationship?
Emotional labor in partnerships often shows up in subtle but exhausting ways. One partner might become the default “social director,” the one planning outings, initiating hard conversations, or holding the emotional weight of both people’s inner worlds. While this can happen in any relationship, it’s especially common in heterosexual partnerships, where men are often conditioned to rely heavily on their romantic partners for emotional processing.
This isn't about blaming men...it's about noticing a pattern. When one person becomes the emotional hub of the relationship, the imbalance can eventually lead to burnout, resentment, or emotional disconnection.
What is “mankeeping” and why is it resonating now?
Coined by researcher Angelica Puzio Ferrara, “mankeeping” gives language to a dynamic where women are expected to be their partner’s therapist, cheerleader, life coach, and friend group—all in one. It’s an extension of the concept of “kinkeeping,” the work of holding families together (which historically also falls to women).
In the New York Times piece, I shared that we’re seeing more women speak up about how draining this can be. Many of my male clients genuinely want to show up better, but they aren’t always sure how. Social disconnection among men is a real issue, and rebuilding those emotional muscles takes intention.
How can men take more emotional responsibility?
Developing emotional self-awareness and expanding your support network doesn’t have to be overwhelming. In therapy, I often encourage men to start small: open up just a little more to a trusted friend, or take a friendship that’s typically activity-based and invite it into a slightly deeper space. This process (sometimes called “repotting” a friendship) can lead to real, sustaining connection.
Importantly, this isn’t about replacing your romantic partner—it’s about strengthening that relationship by widening the emotional foundation beneath your life.
How therapy can help shift these dynamics
If you’re a man who’s been told you’re emotionally distant—or if you’re a woman feeling overwhelmed by emotional labor—it can be hard to know where to begin. Therapy creates a safe space to look at these patterns, explore vulnerability, and shift the way you connect with others.
At Clarity Counseling Seattle, we specialize in relationship therapy, sex and intimacy therapy, and men’s therapy. Whether you’re navigating modern masculinity, emotional burnout, or relational imbalance, we’re here to support you.
You might also find value in reading about emotional labor in relationships or why men struggle to make friends.
If any of this resonates with your relationship—or your role in it—we’re here to help you make sense of it. It’s possible to build something more balanced, connected, and fulfilling... together.