The COVID-19 pandemic pushed many of us beyond what we thought we could handle. For some, it didn’t just test our limits—it revealed them. Even now, as life moves forward in fits and starts, you might still feel a kind of lingering exhaustion. Maybe your patience is worn thin, your energy never quite refills, or your ability to focus seems distant. You’re not imagining things. You may have reached what psychologists call your “surge capacity.”
Understanding Surge Capacity and Why It Fades
Surge capacity is a term used to describe the set of mental and physical systems we draw on in short-term crisis situations. It helps us survive in the middle of something intense—like a natural disaster. But here’s the thing: our systems were built for a sprint, not a marathon.
Unlike a storm that comes and goes, the pandemic has lingered. So has the stress. Over time, those internal systems get depleted. You may find that what once helped you cope no longer works. You might even feel guilty or confused about why you’re still so worn down. But this is what happens when a system built for emergencies is used for the long haul. It wears out. And it needs time and care to replenish.
Why Staying Connected Really Does Help
When you’re depleted, it’s easy to withdraw—but connection is often the very thing that begins to refill us. One of the most powerful tools we have to build resilience is the support of other people. Talking with someone, leaning on a friend, checking in with a loved one—these are simple acts that have real impact.
Helping others can also offer unexpected energy. Whether it’s picking up groceries for an elderly neighbor or texting someone who might be struggling, these gestures can reconnect you with your sense of purpose. And when you act with others, you may also regain a sense of agency that’s been missing. Connection doesn’t need to be big or dramatic—it just needs to be consistent.
What It Means to Lean on Your Partner
In our work with couples in therapy, we often talk about how partnership is a built-in support system during hard times. Whether you’re in a monogamous marriage or a polyamorous relationship, your partner(s) can be one of the best resources you have for regulating and restoring your emotional balance.
Unfortunately, many people don’t know how to lean on each other in emotionally safe, healthy ways. That’s not a personal failing—it’s a skill most of us were never taught. In marriage counseling and relationship therapy, we often help partners learn how to show up for each other more fully, especially when one or both feel tapped out. We call this kind of emotional interdependence “healthy dependence.” It means letting yourself be vulnerable with your partner without fear that it will make you weaker.
When you’re exhausted and overextended, it makes sense to reach for support. And when we’ve built strong relationships, that support is already there, waiting. It’s not weakness to need each other—it’s how we’re wired.
When You’re at Capacity, Therapy Can Help
Feeling depleted isn’t something you just push through. It’s a sign that your body and mind need something different. At Clarity Counseling Seattle, we help individuals and couples learn how to reconnect, rest, and rebuild. If you're ready to feel more supported—by your partner or by a therapist—we invite you to reach out and take the next step toward feeling more like yourself again.