It’s completely normal to feel a bit uneasy when starting therapy—or even during it. Sharing your inner world with someone you don’t know well can bring up nerves, doubts, and uncertainty. But as a Seattle relationship therapist, marriage counselor, and individual counselor with over two decades of experience, I can confidently say that building comfort with your therapist is one of the most important parts of the healing process. It’s not just helpful—it’s essential. Below are 10 strategies I’ve seen work again and again to help clients ease into therapy and get more out of the experience.
1. Say What’s on Your Mind
Therapists appreciate honesty. If something feels off or awkward, go ahead and name it. You won’t hurt our feelings—we’re here to help you navigate your experience. And chances are, we’ve heard it before. Your therapist is trained to support you without judgment, no matter where you’re starting from.
2. Talk About Your Boundaries
Want to move slower? Prefer not to dive into certain topics right away? That’s more than okay. Therapy is about creating a space that feels right for you, and setting boundaries is one of the ways you claim ownership over that space.
3. Take the Long View
Comfort in therapy usually builds over time. Just like in any meaningful relationship, trust grows with consistency. If you don’t feel connected after a session or two, that doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working—it just means you’re still settling in.
4. Name Your Concerns
If you're unsure about something your therapist said—or didn't say—bring it up. Therapy is most effective when it’s shaped by your feedback, and most therapists welcome open dialogue about the process itself.
5. Get to Know Who You're Talking To
Many clients feel more at ease when they understand a little about their therapist. You’re welcome to ask respectful questions about a therapist’s background, style, or areas of focus. For example, as a sex therapist in Seattle, I’m always happy to share how I approach sensitive topics in a way that makes clients feel safe and heard.
6. Share Your Goals
Knowing what you hope to gain from therapy—whether it’s reducing anxiety, improving your relationship, or just feeling more grounded—helps your therapist support you in a more focused way. It also helps you track your own progress over time.
7. Let Vulnerability Be Part of It
Therapy asks us to go deeper, and that means leaning into discomfort at times. But it’s within that discomfort that real growth often happens. Especially in areas like intimacy counseling or couples therapy, vulnerability is not only useful—it’s necessary for breakthroughs.
8. Reflect Between Sessions
Growth doesn’t just happen in the therapy room. Taking time to reflect between sessions can help you notice patterns, reinforce insights, and prepare for what you want to bring in next time. This is especially true if you're doing online therapy, where the structure of in-person rituals may be missing.
9. Remember the Relationship is a Collaboration
Good therapy isn’t something that’s done *to* you—it’s something you and your therapist build together. If the alliance feels strong, that sense of connection can be incredibly grounding and healing all by itself.
10. Go at Your Own Speed
There’s no timeline you need to follow. Some people feel connected to their therapist right away, while others take several sessions to settle in. Your pace is valid, and in areas like marriage counseling or relationship therapy, honoring that pace can actually make the work more sustainable and effective.
A Real-Life Example
Take "Alex" (not their real name), who initially felt hesitant to open up. He told me early on that he didn’t think he was “very good at therapy.” We talked about what that meant, what he feared, and what he hoped for. Over time, as he set the rhythm and direction, therapy began to feel like his space. He showed up more fully, leaned into discomfort, and began seeing tangible shifts in how he related to himself and others. His comfort level didn’t happen overnight—but when it arrived, it transformed the work.
Final Thoughts
Therapy is a deeply personal process. It’s okay if it takes time to feel fully at ease. By exploring these strategies—and giving yourself the patience and permission to grow at your own pace—you’ll build a connection that makes meaningful change possible. If you’re looking to begin this process with someone experienced and attuned, we’d be glad to hear from you.