Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don’t belong here” or “I’m not qualified for this”? Maybe you’ve wondered how long it’ll be before someone realizes you’re not as competent as they think. If so, you’re far from alone. At Clarity Counseling Seattle, we hear these thoughts often in individual therapy sessions—and even during couples therapy when clients open up in front of their partners.
This internal experience is known as impostor syndrome. It’s a term used to describe persistent self-doubt, a sense of intellectual fraudulence, or a belief that your achievements are due to luck rather than ability. Even when others offer praise or recognition, it can feel undeserved—like they’re being fooled somehow.
In fact, a 2019 review of 62 studies found that anywhere from 9 to 82 percent of people have struggled with thoughts like these. For many, this leads to a cycle of overworking, self-criticism, and anxiety that’s hard to break.
What Impostor Syndrome Feels Like
If you live with impostor syndrome, you might feel pressured to constantly prove your worth in order to:
- Prevent others from noticing your “flaws”
- Earn a position you already hold
- Compensate for self-doubt or perceived incompetence
- Quiet the fear that you’ve tricked others into believing in you
Ironically, when you do succeed, you may chalk it up to timing or luck. You might minimize praise or dismiss it entirely, while simultaneously blaming yourself harshly for any mistakes. Over time, this can erode self-confidence and contribute to depression, anxiety, or burnout.
What Causes Impostor Syndrome?
The origins can vary. Some people trace it to childhood dynamics or overly critical parenting. Others find it shows up when taking on new roles, such as starting a leadership position, entering a prestigious program, or navigating unfamiliar social settings. Personality traits like perfectionism or a fear of failure can also play a role.
The good news is that you don’t have to keep living this way. In therapy, we help clients identify where these patterns come from and begin to challenge them—with compassion and curiosity, not judgment.
Tips for Working Through Impostor Syndrome
1. Acknowledge your thoughts instead of pushing them away. Share what you’re feeling with a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist. Naming your experience out loud often softens its grip. And you may be surprised to learn how many people relate—this is a nearly universal experience, even if most folks don’t admit it.
2. Stop doing it all alone. You don’t have to achieve everything in isolation to prove your worth. Lean into support systems, whether at work, in friendships, or in your personal life. Validation from others isn’t the only way to feel secure, but it can help reinforce the truth of your strengths when you’re feeling unsure.
3. Question the story in your head. When you catch yourself thinking, “I don’t deserve this,” pause and look for evidence to the contrary. If you’re receiving recognition or being given responsibilities, there’s probably a reason. Challenge the inner critic with facts, not fears.
4. Stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own learning curve, strengths, and path. Just because someone else does things differently—or even better in one area—doesn’t mean you don’t belong. As we often remind clients in therapy for men and women alike: someone else’s success is not your failure.
5. Practice self-compassion, especially in moments of doubt. You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy. Everyone makes mistakes. What matters is how you grow from them. Try speaking to yourself the way you’d speak to a friend who was struggling.
Get Help for Impostor Syndrome in Seattle
You don’t have to keep proving your worth or waiting for the other shoe to drop. With the right support, it’s possible to feel more grounded, capable, and confident in who you are.
At Clarity Counseling Seattle, we offer individual therapy and men’s therapy focused on helping you understand your internal experiences and quiet the voice that says you’re not enough. Let us know if you'd like support working through impostor syndrome—we’re here to help.