Many adults in midlife and beyond are navigating relationship changes, shifting priorities, and new ways of staying connected. For so many people, the internet has become a major part of how we maintain friendships. Recently I was interviewed in an AARP article titled “Are Online Friendships Really Friendships?”, where I shared insights about how digital interaction affects emotional closeness for older adults. Read the AARP article here (PDF).
As I mentioned in the piece, social media can create a real sense of connection, but it can also make emotional avoidance easier, especially for men who already struggle to open up. Midlife is such a tender chapter, and meaningful friendships often look different than they did in our twenties or thirties. Many people in this phase of life are asking big questions about community, belonging, and who they can really rely on.
How Online Friendships Can Help (and When They Can’t)
Online relationships can absolutely be real friendships. For many adults in Washington, especially those facing mobility challenges, caregiving stress, work transitions, or social changes, having people to talk to online can be deeply supportive. A thoughtful message or a shared interest can absolutely brighten someone’s day.
But the AARP article also highlights something important: online connection sometimes stays at the surface. Interactions like liking a photo or commenting on a post don’t always meet our deeper emotional needs. This can leave people feeling connected on the outside but lonely underneath.
As I shared in the article, “Posting a photo of your dog or commenting on a friend’s vacation is not the same as saying (in real life), ‘Hey, I’ve been having a rough week.’” That distinction matters! Emotional nourishment comes from vulnerability, presence, and being able to talk about things that truly matter.
Why Midlife Makes Emotional Connection More Complicated
Friendships shift in midlife for a variety of reasons. Careers change. Children become adults. Parents age. Health becomes more central. Many people find that their friend circle grows smaller, not larger, as they navigate these chapters.
And as online interaction becomes more common, some adults feel unsure whether the friendships they’re maintaining digitally “count.” They worry they’re losing depth in their relationships or that everyone else seems to have stronger connections than they do. The truth is far more human: most people in midlife are trying to figure out the same things.
Therapy can be a place to sort through that: what connection means to you now, how your needs have changed, and how you want friendship and support to feel going forward. If you’d like to explore this more, our online therapy options in Washington or our support for adults in midlife and beyond might be helpful resources as you navigate these transitions.
What Helps Older Adults Build Real Connection
One of the most thoughtful takeaways from the AARP article is that small interactions, either online or offline, can still be meaningful. A friendly comment, a brief text, or a check-in message can genuinely strengthen someone’s day. And for many people, those small moments are the first steps toward re-growing a deeper sense of community.
For others, the next step might involve gently stretching toward more embodied forms of connection, whether that’s voice, video, or a short meetup. Emotional presence doesn’t always require physical proximity, but it does require some intentionality. As I shared in the article, closeness tends to grow from “shared experiences, mutual care, and some form of embodied presence, whether that’s voice, video, or time spent together.”
Here are a few questions that often come up in therapy sessions with adults in midlife:
- do you feel comforted or more connected after interacting with people online?
- do you have at least one or two people you can talk to about deeper emotional experiences?
- are your online friendships helping you feel part of a community, or leaving you more isolated?
- do you find it easier to stay on the surface than to let someone know how you’re really doing?
There are no wrong answers here. These questions simply help you understand whether your relationships (digital or in-person) are supporting you in the ways you need during this stage of life.
Final Thoughts
If you’re in midlife or beyond and noticing changes in your friendships, your emotional needs, or the way you connect with others, you’re not alone. Many people find that this chapter brings both reflection and possibility. It can be a time of rediscovering what kind of connection feels good and what truly nourishes you.
If any of this resonates, you’re welcome to reach out. Whether we talk for a single consultation or work together more closely, there’s space here to explore what connection looks like for you now, at this meaningful time in your life.
Related reading:
- How Therapy Can Help During Midlife Transitions
- Coming Out Later in Life: Embracing Your Truth and Reclaiming Your Sexuality
- Sex and Intimacy After 50: What No One Talks About