“How does that make you feel?” It’s the question that’s practically synonymous with therapy—and one that’s often been parodied in movies and jokes about therapists. Picture yourself on a couch, talking to someone with a yellow notepad and a soft voice, asking you to unpack your deepest thoughts. Sound familiar?
As therapists in Seattle, we’ve definitely heard a few eye-rolls when that phrase comes up in real life. And yet, there’s a reason it’s become such a staple. That simple question gets to the heart of how we relate to our emotions—and that relationship can deeply shape how we handle the challenges life throws at us.
Many people come to individual counseling or couples therapy hoping to better manage difficult emotions like anger, anxiety, sadness, or shame. What they often discover is that learning to work with emotions, rather than against them, opens up more ease and clarity in everyday life.
Why Do Emotions Matter So Much?
Emotions influence nearly everything—how we make decisions, how we connect with others, how we respond to conflict or disappointment, and even how we take care of ourselves. Some emotions are fleeting, like frustration when you forget your keys. Others can linger, like grief after a major loss. But all emotions, no matter how uncomfortable, serve a purpose.
To understand how emotions work, it helps to look at their three key parts:
- Subjective experience: What it feels like internally.
- Physiological response: How your body reacts—think racing heart or tense muscles.
- Behavioral response: How you express or act on the feeling.
Each of these elements shows up differently for everyone, but together they shape how we experience the world and how we navigate challenges.
Emotions Are a Call to Action
Let’s say you feel scared when walking alone at night. That fear isn’t just a nuisance—it’s your nervous system alerting you to potential danger. It urges you to take steps to protect yourself. In that way, emotions help keep us safe. They also help us know when something isn’t right, whether it’s an unsafe situation or a relationship that no longer feels supportive.
Fear, anger, sadness, joy—these aren’t just feelings. They’re cues that guide us toward action, connection, or reflection. And understanding them can make us better partners, parents, friends, and humans.
How Emotions Show Up in Relationships
In marriage counseling and sex and intimacy therapy, we often work with couples who are stuck in patterns of conflict or disconnection. Underneath those patterns are usually unspoken emotional needs. When we avoid our own emotions—or don’t understand our partner’s—it becomes harder to repair, to connect, or to feel safe together.
That’s why learning to recognize your emotional cues (and your partner’s) is one of the most powerful tools in any relationship. It doesn’t require perfection. It just requires curiosity and a willingness to pause and say, “Wait…what am I actually feeling right now?”
Connecting With Your Own Emotional Intelligence
Even if you’ve never been particularly tuned in to your feelings, it’s never too late to learn. Emotional awareness is a skill, not a personality trait—and like any skill, it gets better with practice. It can start with small things, like noticing the tightness in your chest when you’re stressed, or taking a breath before reacting in frustration.
If you’re ready to explore your emotional world and make sense of what’s showing up for you lately, our therapists at Clarity Counseling Seattle are here to help. We’ll meet you wherever you are in the process, whether you’re navigating emotions on your own or with a partner.
Meet our team or get in touch to start a conversation about what support could look like for you. Therapy doesn’t need to be mysterious—it can simply be a place where your feelings are welcomed, understood, and worked with in meaningful ways.