When we lose someone or something important, we feel it in our bones. That ache, that fog, that deep sense of confusion or heaviness—we call it grief. And as painful as it is, grief is a completely natural response to loss. In fact, it’s one of the most human experiences we have. But even though it’s normal, that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Everyone grieves differently, and there’s no one “right” way to move through it.
What’s important to know is that while we’re wired to grieve, we’re also built to heal. That healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means learning how to carry the loss without it crushing us. Sometimes that means sitting with hard feelings. Sometimes it means reaching out to friends, leaning on family, or exploring individual grief counseling with someone who gets it.
The Stages of Grief (and Why They’re Not Linear)
Grief is often described in stages—not because there’s a checklist to complete, but because the stages can help us make sense of the emotional terrain. These aren’t steps to conquer. They’re experiences that come and go in their own time, sometimes circling back without warning. The most widely recognized stages include:
Denial: This is the shock that hits when the loss first lands. We might feel numb, disconnected, or like we’re watching life from a distance. It’s a protective response that gives us time to start processing what just happened.
Anger: Loss can stir up frustration, helplessness, and even rage. Sometimes we feel angry at others. Sometimes we’re angry at ourselves. Sometimes we’re mad at the world or even the person we lost. All of this is a normal way to move through emotional pain.
Bargaining: This stage can sound like “What if I had done something differently?” or “If only I had…” We may replay moments over and over in our minds, trying to make sense of the loss or imagine ways it could have been avoided.
Depression: As the reality of the loss sinks in, we can start to feel the weight of it. This might show up as withdrawal, exhaustion, changes in sleep or appetite, or a sense of hopelessness. Grief often includes depressive symptoms—even if we’ve never experienced depression before.
Acceptance: Over time, we may begin to accept the loss—not because it stops hurting, but because we find a way to live alongside it. Acceptance means recognizing that things have changed, and that we’re still here, figuring out how to keep going. It doesn’t mean we’re “over it.”
Some people also talk about a sixth stage of grief: meaning-making. This is when we start to explore how the loss has shaped us. We may find ourselves asking, “What has this taught me?” or “How do I want to live differently now?” This isn’t about silver linings. It’s about discovering new layers of perspective and purpose, in time.
What Does “Normal” Grief Look Like?
There is no normal. That’s the short answer. Grief is personal. The way it moves through you depends on so many things—your personality, your history, your beliefs, your support system. Some people feel waves of sadness right away. Others don’t cry for weeks. Some need quiet. Others need people. You’re not doing it wrong, whatever your process looks like.
What can be helpful is knowing that ups and downs are part of it. One day you might feel okay, then suddenly feel like you're back at the beginning. This back-and-forth rhythm is frustrating, but it’s also part of how grief works. You’re not stuck—you’re moving through it, one step at a time.
Support for Grief in Seattle
It’s hard to go through this alone. If you’re in Seattle and finding it difficult to cope, grief therapy can be a place to talk openly about your experience. At Clarity Counseling Seattle, we understand the complicated, nonlinear nature of grief, and we offer space to work through it gently and without judgment.
Reach out if you’re ready for that kind of support. Together, we can make space for your pain, and in time, for your healing too.