While browsing in a card shop the other day, I saw one that made me laugh—and think. It featured an older man wearing something silly on his head, alongside the quote: “I don’t know how to act my age. I’ve never been this age before.”
It was meant to be funny, but like the best humor, it struck a deeper chord. This is a concept that comes up often in therapy sessions: we've never been here before. Whether “here” is a new age, stage of life, emotional challenge, or relationship conflict, each moment is unique—and often a little unsettling. Even when situations feel familiar, they’re still happening in a new context, shaped by who we are now, not who we were then.
And newness often brings fear. But instead of recognizing that fear as natural, many of us judge ourselves for it. We think we should know better. That we should be more prepared. That we’re failing somehow. But here’s the truth: we're all making this up as we go along. Life isn’t a dress rehearsal. It’s happening now, unscripted, and we’re doing the best we can in real time.
That’s why I often encourage clients to lean into self-compassion, self-patience, and self-grace. These aren’t just soft ideas—they're essential tools for staying grounded during the inevitable stumbles of life. In those moments when you’re unsure how to proceed, it’s not time to judge or punish yourself for struggling. It’s time to recognize that you're human. That this moment is brand new. That of course you don’t know exactly what to do.
This mindset shift applies not only to individual growth but also to our relationship challenges. You've never been in this exact moment of your relationship before. And neither has your partner. So maybe—just maybe—you both deserve some space to stumble, regroup, and try again. This is part of what we help with in individual therapy and couples work alike.
If you were raised to see fear as a flaw or self-doubt as weakness, and you’re tired of judging yourself for being human, reach out. We're here to help you show yourself more kindness—and build a life that embraces both strength and softness.