We all know communication is key in any relationship, but we usually think of that as the words we say. In truth, what we don’t say often speaks the loudest. Whether you're in a long-term partnership, navigating new love, or exploring polyamorous relationships, nonverbal communication plays a powerful role in how we connect.
Over time, it’s easy to slip into autopilot. We assume our partner knows how we feel or that the occasional “I love you” is enough. But body language—our expressions, posture, tone, and touch—continues to shape emotional safety, trust, and intimacy every day.
What is Nonverbal Communication?
Nonverbal communication is any way we express thoughts or emotions without speaking. That might be a reassuring hand on the shoulder, a sideways glance, or the energy in a room when one partner shuts down emotionally. These cues can reinforce (or contradict) what’s being said out loud—and your partner picks up on all of it.
Examples of nonverbal communication include:
- Facial expressions and eye contact
- Posture and physical proximity
- Gestures or tone of voice
- Touch—whether it’s warm and intentional or distant
- Changes in energy or withdrawal
In fact, research suggests that 70–80% of communication is nonverbal. That means we’re constantly sending signals, even when we’re not trying to—and our partners are constantly receiving them. If our words and body language don’t align, it can create confusion, mistrust, or emotional disconnection.
Why It Matters in Relationships
In intimate relationships, especially, nonverbal cues are how we communicate care, interest, or discontent. A warm smile, an open body posture, or eye contact during a vulnerable moment says: “I’m here. I see you.” But when we avoid eye contact or turn our body away, it can leave our partner feeling dismissed or unseen—even if that’s not what we meant.
This becomes even more important when discussing conflict, expressing needs, or repairing after hurt. If you say you’re sorry but your tone is cold or your arms are crossed, your partner may not feel the sincerity. Nonverbal communication is the difference between saying something and truly conveying it.
How to Improve Nonverbal Communication
Improving this form of communication doesn’t require grand gestures—it just takes awareness. Try these steps:
- Match your words with your tone, expression, and posture.
- Make eye contact to show you're listening and present.
- Offer small touches or gestures of comfort during stressful moments.
- Be mindful of what your body language might be saying without words.
These may seem like small shifts, but they can go a long way in restoring emotional safety, especially when a couple is feeling disconnected. If this is an ongoing challenge, couples therapy or couples therapy for one can help deepen your understanding of these dynamics and develop healthier communication patterns.
Therapy for Building Stronger Relationships in Seattle
At Clarity Counseling Seattle, we support individuals and couples who want to feel more connected and understood. Whether you’re working through conflict or simply want to strengthen your bond, we’re here to help. Our team offers individual therapy, sex and intimacy therapy, and marriage counseling, both in person and online. Reach out today to learn more about how therapy can support the way you show up in your most important relationships.