Greetings from the heart of Seattle! I’m Justin Pere, leading the passionate team at Clarity Counseling Seattle, where we specialize in the nuanced realms of sex and relationship therapy for individuals, as well as marriage counseling and sex therapy for couples. A common question we hear is: “How do I know when it’s time to see a sex therapist in Seattle?” It’s a meaningful question, and it deserves attention.
Many people feel unsure about bringing up sex in therapy. It’s vulnerable, often tied to shame, and frequently delayed far longer than it needs to be. An article we wrote on the Gottman Institute’s website about contemplating sex therapy may help if you're still deciding. And if your concerns aren’t sexual in nature, our blog post about when to seek therapy more generally could be useful too.
What Does a Sex Therapist Actually Do?
A sex therapist is a provider who’s trained specifically to help with the emotional, psychological, and relational aspects of sexual health. We support people dealing with issues like desire discrepancies, sexual functioning, intimacy struggles, and the emotional weight that often comes with these concerns. This kind of therapy isn’t about giving advice or pushing performance—it’s about creating a safe space to understand what’s getting in the way and how to move through it, together or individually.
How Do You Know It’s Time to See a Sex Therapist?
- Ongoing sexual difficulties: If you’re dealing with things like erectile dysfunction, vaginal pain, low libido, or trouble reaching orgasm—and they’re not resolving on their own—it’s worth exploring in therapy.
- Mismatch in sexual desire: Many couples struggle with differences in how often they want sex. This can become a painful point of disconnect, but it’s one that’s very workable in therapy.
- Life transitions affecting intimacy: Whether it’s a new baby, menopause, a chronic illness, or mental health changes, shifts in life stages often show up in your sex life.
- Sexual trauma or anxiety: If past experiences are getting in the way of present-day connection, therapy can gently help you reclaim your relationship with your body and with intimacy.
- Communication roadblocks: Struggling to talk about sex openly? You’re not alone. Sex therapy can help you build confidence and language to express what you want and need.
A Real-Life Story from the Therapy Room
Take “Alex and Jordan” (names changed), a couple who came to therapy feeling emotionally and physically distant. Jordan felt immense anxiety about intimacy and often avoided sex altogether. Alex, meanwhile, felt increasingly alone in the relationship. Jordan was initially hesitant to start therapy—embarrassed, ashamed, and unsure about talking to a stranger. But with time and care, and sessions that honored both partners’ experiences, they were able to reconnect sexually and emotionally. What had felt stuck and painful became a source of healing and closeness again.
When to Look for a Couples or Marriage Therapist Who Specializes in Intimacy
- Arguments about sex keep recurring: If sex is a source of conflict or confusion, a specialized relationship therapist can help shift the conversation from blame to understanding.
- You’re navigating big changes: New parenthood, aging, or stressful life transitions often impact how couples experience intimacy. A therapist can help you adjust together.
- You feel emotionally disconnected: Intimacy is often the first area affected when partners feel distant. Sex therapy isn’t just about the physical—it’s also about rebuilding emotional trust and connection.
Ready to Take the First Step?
Whether you’re reaching out for in-person sessions or looking for online therapy, you’re not alone in this. If any of the concerns above resonate with you or your partner, that’s a good indicator it’s time to get support. And doing so is not a sign of something “wrong”—it’s a sign of courage, self-awareness, and care for your future self or relationship.
We understand how hard it can be to talk about sex. We also know how healing it can be once the conversation begins. Reach out when you're ready. We’re here to help you feel more connected, more empowered, and more at ease in your relationship with intimacy.