Here’s a surprisingly helpful equation we often reference in therapy sessions, one that can offer clarity during emotionally difficult times:
S = P × R
In other words, Suffering = Pain × Resistance.
Pain in life is inevitable—whether physical or emotional. But suffering? That’s what we experience when we resist the pain. And the more resistance we bring, the more suffering we feel.
What Is Resistance?
Resistance refers to the added mental and emotional layers we place on top of pain. It can show up as:
- “I shouldn’t feel this way”
- Rumination and overthinking
- Judging yourself or others
- Holding on tightly to outcomes or expectations
- Guilt or shame for not coping “better”
These internal reactions create friction that amplifies pain—and that friction is suffering.
What Does Suffering Look Like?
Common signs of suffering include:
- Wishing constantly for things to be different
- Self-critical or punishing thoughts
- Bracing, grimacing, or physical tension
- Persistent avoidance or shutdown
- Anger, fear, or despair about your condition
Understanding the Buddhist Teaching of the Two Darts
This concept is echoed in a powerful Buddhist teaching known as the two darts:
The first dart is life’s unavoidable pain—illness, loss, rejection, aging. We all get hit by these darts eventually.
The second dart is the reaction we add on top—resentment, self-judgment, despair, or the belief that it “shouldn’t be this way.” While we can’t always avoid the first dart, we can reduce how often we throw the second.
Why This Matters in Therapy
We’ve seen clients find significant relief when they begin practicing acceptance—not as giving up, but as softening their grip on resistance. This isn’t easy work. But it’s often the first step toward healing.
At Clarity Counseling Seattle, our therapists help clients learn skills to reduce suffering, increase emotional flexibility, and reconnect with purpose and inner calm. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, grief, relationship pain, or a chronic pattern of self-criticism, individual therapy can help.