Sex Positions That Support Connection (and Ease Performance Pressure)
It can be so difficult to talk about erectile dysfunction. But if you or your partner(s) is/are struggling with ED, know this: you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. We see this all the time in our work with couples and individuals at Clarity, where sex therapy is a core part of how we help people rebuild connection, confidence, and pleasure.
Recently, one of our therapists was featured in an article about sex positions that support men dealing with ED. That actually sparked some great conversations with clients, and we thought we’d expand on the topic here.
What makes a sex position "ED-friendly"?
It’s not about gymnastics! It’s about comfort, ease, and emotional safety. The best positions for ED are the ones that take the pressure off...the ones where nobody feels like they have to perform.
These positions create space for closeness and touch, the kind that can actually enhance intimacy, even when sex doesn’t go "as planned." ED can be complex, rooted in anxiety, shame, or even relationship patterns...so the goal isn’t to fix something quickly. It’s to stay connected and curious together.
Which sex positions can help reduce ED-related anxiety?
- Spooning (Side-by-Side)
Lying together on your sides, with one partner behind the other, can feel grounding and safe. This position supports skin-to-skin closeness and slow pacing, which often reduces performance anxiety. There's less pressure to "lead" or "achieve" anything. Also leaves more room to just be close. - Partner on Top
When the person with ED lies on their back and their partner is on top, it can shift the dynamic in a helpful way. They don’t have to manage rhythm or movement, and can instead focus on feeling connected. Letting go of control can actually invite more presence and pleasure. - Face-to-Face (Any Variation)
Whether it’s a modified missionary or lying on your sides facing each other, being eye-to-eye can offer a strong sense of emotional closeness. Small adjustments (like pillows or slower movements) make this position supportive and attuned. It’s less about performance... it's more about being seen and accepted. - Lap Sitting
One partner sits on the other's lap, facing them. This position naturally slows things down and brings attention to eye contact, gentle touch, and breath. It’s a great choice when emotional intimacy is just as important as physical pleasure. - Side-by-Side Facing Each Other
Simple, slow, and full of touch - this one invites quiet closeness. With both partners lying on their sides and legs intertwined, there’s room for connection without strain. It encourages relaxed arousal and shared presence, which often helps soften the anxiety that can accompany ED.
What really matters most?
It’s not the position. It’s the intention.
We’ve seen it again and again in our work with couples navigating intimacy challenges and men dealing with sexual anxiety: when connection is prioritized over performance, things start to shift. Arousal often follows safety, not pressure.
ED can be deeply frustrating, but it doesn’t have to define your relationship or your sex life. Positions that support slowness, closeness, and choice can open the door to a different kind of sexual connection—one where pleasure and presence matter more than a perfect erection.
Want support beyond tips and techniques?
If this post resonates, you might also appreciate this blog on enhancing intimacy and this one on when to start seeing a sex therapist.
Or if you’re ready for something deeper, our team offers therapy for individuals, couples, and those navigating complex challenges around sex, desire, and connection. You don’t have to figure it out alone. Let’s talk when you're ready.