Sex is supposed to be about connection...but what if it starts to feel like something else entirely? Like a test you’re afraid to fail? For many people that shift happens slowly. And then, one day, they notice they’re no longer looking forward to intimacy - they’re bracing for it.
Let’s talk about what that means, how it shows up, and why ...
The phrase usually comes out carefully, almost like it’s been rehearsed. One partner finally asks, "What if we just took a break?" And then the silence lands. Not because the question is simple, but because the answer rarely is.
If you’re here, maybe you’re already asking it. Maybe things feel strained but not totally broken. Maybe you’re unsure whether space would ...
Some people don’t even know it has a name. Others feel it all the time but can’t quite explain why they’re so exhausted—resentful, even—when their partner seems surprised anything’s wrong.
This is the quiet toll of emotional labor. And in many relationships, it’s uneven.
Maybe you’re the one who remembers birthdays, initiates hard conversations, checks in after family drama, or makes sure ...
The short answer? Yes. Often!
Many people assume couples therapy is a last resort…something you do when your relationship is in crisis. But therapy isn’t just for those at the breaking point. It can also be a space for deepening connection, building skills, and staying emotionally attuned when things are mostly going well.
If you’re wondering whether you need therapy even when ...
Not all loneliness is visible. For many men, it hides in plain sight...beneath busy schedules, successful careers, or even seemingly happy relationships. And while emotional loneliness can quietly erode connection and well-being, it often goes unspoken. Sometimes even unnoticed.
We see it in therapy often: men who care deeply, who want to show up differently in their relationships, but who feel ...
Relationship advice is everywhere. It’s on your phone, in your feed, whispered in reels, shouted on podcasts. Advice is easy to come by... but deep healing? That’s something entirely different.
We thought we'd talk in this blog about why apps, tips, and influencer quotes can feel helpful (and sometimes are!), but often don’t get to the root of what’s really going ...
In a recent feature by Catherine Pearson for the New York Times, I had the opportunity to contribute thoughts on a rising relationship trend known as “mankeeping.” What follows are some expanded reflections based on that article and my own work as a therapist supporting men and couples.
“Mankeeping” may be a new term, but the dynamic ...
AI Relationship Tools vs. Real Couples Therapy: What’s the Difference...and Does It Even Matter?
It’s easy to see the appeal! Just answer a few questions online, and an AI tool gives you a detailed report about your relationship, plus some video lessons to improve your communication. You and your partner can even “chat” with a virtual relationship coach. Convenient, right?
AI-enhanced couples ...
For many men, the journey toward understanding and embracing their sexuality doesn’t happen early, or easily. Some men come out to themselves and others only later in life, often after decades spent in heterosexual marriages, raising children, and fulfilling cultural or familial expectations. This process is rarely linear, and it’s almost never simple. But it is brave. And it's more ...
Sex and intimacy don’t just stop being important after a certain age. In fact, for many people, life after 50 can bring a deeper craving for connection...both emotional and physical. But it can also come with new challenges: changes in libido, discomfort with aging bodies, or long-standing patterns that were easier to ignore in earlier decades.
If you've found yourself wondering ...
Midlife can be a season of subtle (or not-so-subtle) upheaval. You might look around and realize that the life you’ve built...your work, your relationships, your sense of self...no longer fits the way it once did. Or maybe you’re navigating something more concrete: a career change, an empty nest, a major health shift, or the end of a long-term relationship.
Even if ...
There’s a moment that many people experience sometime in their 40s, 50s, or 60s. Nothing is obviously wrong...life looks fine from the outside...but something inside feels flat. You might feel less connected to your partner, less excited about your career, or unsure of what you’re even working toward anymore.
For some this feeling comes on slowly. For others, it arrives in ...
Many of our earliest relational experiences live beneath the surface of our awareness. In the first 18 months of life, the brain begins storing emotional and interpersonal patterns in the form of implicit memory—an unconscious neural blueprint of what connection feels like. These early templates silently shape our expectations of love, safety, and belonging long before we develop language to ...
Navigating therapy modalities and connecting with the ideal support for your individual or relationship journey at Clarity Counseling Seattle.
Taking that first step towards therapy—whether for yourself, or with your partner(s)—can bring up a mix of hope and perhaps some overwhelm. With so many dedicated therapists, diverse approaches, and specialized areas of focus right here in Seattle, it’s completely understandable to ...
In my work as a relationship counselor and sex therapist in Seattle, I’ve seen how difficult it can be to recognize when something that looks like affection is actually manipulation. That’s the confusing reality of love bombing—a relational pattern where someone uses intense praise, attention, or gestures to create fast emotional closeness, often before trust has had a ...
In couples therapy, there’s a theme I hear often. Not shouted, but more so sighed. One partner leans in and says, “I feel like I’m the only one holding the emotional weight of this relationship.” It’s not always easy to name, but that invisible strain they’re talking about? That’s what we call emotional labor.
Emotional labor ...
In recent years a number of online therapy platforms have exploded in popularity. Companies like Alma, Headway, and BetterHelp make it easier than ever to find a therapist, get on insurance panels, and manage the business side of things. On paper it all sounds great, both for clients and therapists alike. But as a ...
One of the most common questions we hear is: “Does health insurance cover sex therapy?” Unfortunately, the answer is almost always no. While we would love for couples to be able to use their insurance benefits for sex therapy or relationship counseling, the reality is that health insurance rarely covers this type of treatment. And even when an insurance ...
For a long time, couples therapy meant sitting in a quiet office, face-to-face with your therapist. But these days, more and more couples are choosing to meet virtually, and many of them are finding it just as helpful (if not more so) than in-person sessions. If you’ve been wondering, “Is online couples counseling really possible?”—we’re here to say yes. ...
When couples struggle with intimacy, the first instinct is often to focus on desire. "Why don’t I want sex more?" "What happened to my libido?" But from our work with individuals, couples, and polycules at Clarity, we’ve learned that desire is rarely the whole story. Often something is simply getting in the way...and that’s where the concept of accelerators and ...
So many couples come to therapy thinking something must be wrong because their desire has changed. "Why don't I feel the same passion I used to?" is a question we hear often, and it's such a tender, vulnerable place to be.
As relationship therapists who also specialize in sex ...
It can be so difficult to talk about erectile dysfunction. But if you or your partner(s) is/are struggling with ED, know this: you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. We see this all the time in our work with couples and individuals at Clarity, where sex therapy is a core part ...
Even if you don’t live with a diagnosed mental health condition, stress, uncertainty, and emotional overwhelm can still take a toll. Mental health isn’t just about crisis prevention—it’s about creating a life that feels more sustainable, grounded, and real.
If you’ve been feeling off lately, here are a ...
It’s a question we’re asked more often than you might think: “Will you tell us if we should break up?”
For many couples beginning therapy, the stakes feel incredibly high. They’re hurting, unsure, and hoping for clarity—even if they’re not sure what form that clarity should take. As Seattle couples therapists, our role isn’t to decide the fate of your ...
One of the most common questions we hear from struggling partners is: Can couples counseling really save a relationship? It’s a fair question — especially when things feel stuck, distant, or on the brink of falling apart. As Seattle marriage counselors with over 22 years of experience, we’ve seen firsthand how powerful couples and relationship therapy can be ...
Sexual connection often plays a central role in the health of a relationship—but it’s also one of the most commonly misunderstood or avoided topics in couples therapy. As experienced sex therapists in Seattle, we see every week how strengthening a couple’s sexual connection can deepen emotional intimacy and foster renewed closeness. Whether you're in a long-term relationship or just ...
I recently had the opportunity to contribute to an article in GQ magazine about competitive friendships, and it sparked further reflection on this common but often overlooked dynamic. Competition can sometimes strengthen friendships—but left unchecked, it can also erode trust, closeness, and emotional safety.
In friendships, competition can be a double-edged sword. It may push us to ...
Too often, couples come to therapy as a last resort—after months or years of tension, disconnection, or repeated conflict. But couples therapy doesn’t have to be a crisis response. In fact, as a Seattle couples therapist, I see therapy as one of the most meaningful investments people can make in their partnership. Not just to fix what’s broken, but ...
There’s been a growing awareness in recent years that therapy hasn’t always met men where they are. Many of the male clients we see at Clarity Counseling Seattle arrive with a similar hesitation—they want support, but they’re not sure therapy is a space built for them. As Seattle therapists who frequently work with men in high-demand careers like tech, ...
There are many ways therapy can support emotional healing and personal growth, and one of the most widely used and studied methods is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT. At Clarity Counseling Seattle, our team often integrates CBT techniques into individual therapy to help clients address common concerns like anxiety, depression, or stress. But CBT can also support growth in ...
In today’s fast-paced, over-scheduled world, therapy has moved from the office couch to the digital screen—not always gracefully, but certainly out of necessity. When COVID first hit, the urgency to adapt pushed therapy online overnight. Since then, virtual therapy has proven not only viable, but often preferable. Especially here in Seattle, where traffic, demanding jobs, and complicated schedules can make ...
Relationships, like the rhythm of life in Seattle, have their own seasons—periods of warmth and closeness, followed by stretches that feel distant or strained. If you’re starting to wonder whether your marriage or long-term relationship might benefit from therapy, you’re not alone. Many couples wait longer than they need to before reaching out. But recognizing that something feels off is ...
Whether you're exploring couples therapy, marriage counseling, sex therapy, or intimacy counseling, you've likely noticed that therapy can vary widely depending on who you work with. At Clarity Counseling Seattle, our group stands apart—not because we try to be flashy, but because of how deeply we care and how thoughtfully ...
Greetings from the heart of Seattle! I’m Justin Pere, leading the passionate team at Clarity Counseling Seattle, where we specialize in the nuanced realms of sex and relationship therapy for individuals, as well as marriage counseling and sex therapy for couples. A common question we hear is: “How do I know when it’s time to see ...
In an age where our lives are shared online, it’s not surprising that many clients wonder: *Do therapists ever look at your social media?* Whether you’re working with a sex therapist, starting relationship counseling, or attending online therapy, the line between public and private can feel a little blurry. Let’s talk about whether therapists look at clients’ ...
Life rarely follows a straight path. More often, it winds through stress, loss, transition, and moments of self-doubt. At certain points, you might wonder: *Would talking to a therapist help me?* That question alone can be a powerful sign of self-awareness. As a longtime Seattle therapist, I’ve had the privilege of working with individuals and couples at all stages of ...
Beginning therapy is a meaningful step—and sticking with it over time is a sign of real commitment to your growth. But what if your current therapist isn’t quite the right fit anymore? Even when therapy has helped in the past, there may come a point when something starts to feel off. Maybe the progress has slowed, or you no longer ...
It’s completely normal to feel a bit uneasy when starting therapy—or even during it. Sharing your inner world with someone you don’t know well can bring up nerves, doubts, and uncertainty. But as a Seattle relationship therapist, marriage counselor, and individual counselor with over two decades of experience, I can confidently say that building comfort with your ...
This might count as what the younger generation calls a “vulnerability post.” I’m not totally sure I’ve got the term right, but what I do know is that putting myself on camera isn’t my comfort zone. What I do love? Sitting down with another therapist and diving deep into topics like connection, parenting, and emotional growth. But filming that and ...
Sexual health and emotional intimacy are essential to well-being, but many people experience struggles in this area at some point in their lives. Whether you're dealing with a specific concern or just hoping to reconnect with yourself or a partner, sex therapy in Seattle can help. With the guidance of a skilled therapist, individuals, couples, and polycules can better ...
I recently had the honor of being interviewed by MarketVisory Group, a dedicated supporter of independent practices. They were particularly interested in the transformative journey of Clarity Counseling Seattle from a solo practice into a thriving group practice over the past 15 years. If you’re curious to hear more about our journey and the insights gained from transitioning to a ...
Welcoming a baby into your life is a powerful and emotional milestone. For many couples, though, this transition can come with unexpected shifts in sexual connection. From hormonal changes and exhaustion to the evolving roles of parenthood, it’s no surprise that intimacy often takes a back seat during the postpartum period. Some couples find their sexual connection stalls for months—or ...
Whether you're juggling a packed schedule, avoiding a long commute, or simply prefer the comfort of your own home, telehealth therapy has made getting quality support more accessible than ever. Online therapy has become a popular option in Seattle for individuals, couples, and polycules seeking individual counseling, relationship therapy, or marriage counseling. While online therapy shares ...
Living in Seattle—and the broader Puget Sound area—comes with its own brand of beauty and challenges. Between the long stretches of gray skies, the intense pace of work in industries like tech, and the high cost of living, stress is a familiar part of life for many locals. The good news? It doesn’t have to control your experience. Many
For a deeper dive into this topic, you can also read my guest blog on The Gottman Institute’s site.
We live in a culture that often teaches boys and men to be self-reliant, emotionally stoic, and solution-oriented. Those lessons can be helpful in some parts of life—but when it comes to mental health and relationships, they often ...
Let’s be honest—feeling good about ourselves isn’t always easy. Everyone has moments of doubt, whether it’s questioning our worth, our skills, or our ability to handle what life throws at us. But when those moments stretch into weeks or even years, low self-esteem can start to shape how we see the world, how we show up in relationships, and how ...
Not long ago, I had the chance to sit down with the team at MarketVisory Group (listen to the full interview here) to share Clarity Counseling Seattle’s story. What began as a solo venture over 14 years ago has since grown into a collaborative group practice that now includes nearly a dozen dedicated therapists. Our conversation focused on that ...
Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder (PCBD) describes an experience of prolonged, intense grief that doesn’t ease in the way we typically expect over time. While not classified as an official mental health diagnosis in the DSM-5, it’s recognized as a distinct and painful grief response that affects around 5% of the population. For those living with it, the symptoms can feel ...
“How does that make you feel?” It’s the question that’s practically synonymous with therapy—and one that’s often been parodied in movies and jokes about therapists. Picture yourself on a couch, talking to someone with a yellow notepad and a soft voice, asking you to unpack your deepest thoughts. Sound familiar?
As therapists in Seattle, we’ve definitely heard a few eye-rolls when ...
That initial chemistry with someone new can feel electric—like maybe you’ve finally found the right person. But before you dive in, here’s a question worth pausing over: Is this actually the right time for you to be starting a relationship?
It's something we see often in therapy. You meet someone great, the connection is there, but things still don’t quite work. ...
The COVID-19 pandemic pushed many of us beyond what we thought we could handle. For some, it didn’t just test our limits—it revealed them. Even now, as life moves forward in fits and starts, you might still feel a kind of lingering exhaustion. Maybe your patience is worn thin, your energy never quite refills, or your ability to focus seems ...
You’ve taken the leap and scheduled your first therapy session—something that can feel both empowering and a little intimidating. Many people begin their individual therapy or couples counseling journey with a mix of hope and hesitation. That’s completely normal. This post can help set your expectations for what that first session might be like, and how your therapist ...
*My husband and fellow therapist, Justin Pere, was recently featured on The Gottman Institute’s blog, writing about male loneliness and disconnection—struggles that often become more pronounced during times of grief.
One of the most common things I hear in grief counseling is this: “I wish more people would ...
This post is part of our series exploring the many types of grief—because grief doesn’t come in just one form. By understanding these different expressions of loss, we can begin to make sense of our experience and feel less alone in it.
Complicated grief, also known as prolonged grief, refers to when the grieving process becomes ...
Grief is a deeply personal experience—and it doesn’t always follow a straight path. In this series on the many types of grief, we’re exploring how grief can show up in different forms. Today’s focus is on what’s often called normal grief or uncomplicated grief.
Normal grief is what many people go through after a significant loss, especially following ...
Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don’t belong here” or “I’m not qualified for this”? Maybe you’ve wondered how long it’ll be before someone realizes you’re not as competent as they think. If so, you’re far from alone. At Clarity Counseling Seattle, we hear these thoughts often in individual therapy sessions—and even during couples therapy when clients ...
Most of us like to believe we’re good listeners. But if someone asked you to repeat what your partner just said in a heated conversation, could you do it accurately? Often, we’re preparing our own response, defending ourselves in our head, or trying to stay calm. But in those moments, we’re not truly listening—we’re waiting to speak.
This kind of listening ...
One of the most common issues couples bring up in sex and intimacy therapy is dissatisfaction—not with each other, necessarily, but with how hard it is to talk openly about what’s working in their sex life... and what’s not.
Whether you’re in a long-term relationship, newly committed, or part of a polycule, conversations about sex can easily feel vulnerable or ...
When we lose someone or something important, we feel it in our bones. That ache, that fog, that deep sense of confusion or heaviness—we call it grief. And as painful as it is, grief is a completely natural response to loss. In fact, it’s one of the most human experiences we have. But even though it’s normal, that doesn’t mean ...
The holidays are supposed to be joyful, right? Time with family, festive traditions, shopping for the perfect gift. But for many people, this season also brings a surprising amount of stress and sadness. Even the fun parts, like meals, parties, decorations, can feel overwhelming. And on top of it all, we're still dealing with the lasting impact of Covid, which ...
We all know communication is key in any relationship, but we usually think of that as the words we say. In truth, what we don’t say often speaks the loudest. Whether you're in a long-term partnership, navigating new love, or exploring polyamorous relationships, nonverbal communication plays a powerful role in how we connect.
Over time, it’s easy to slip into ...
Ever feel like something’s missing in your relationships—but you can’t quite put your finger on it? Maybe you’ve heard the term emotional deprivation schema, or maybe this is new territory for you. Either way, you’re not alone—and understanding this concept can be the first step toward healing.
Let’s start with the basics. In psychology, a schema refers to a mental framework—essentially, ...
First off...congratulations! You’re in love, you're committing to each other, and you’re ready to let the world know. That’s a big deal. And while you’re planning celebrations, booking venues, or dreaming about the future, there’s something else worth planning too: premarital counseling.
That might sound counterintuitive at first. “We’re doing great—why would we go to therapy now?” But that’s exactly ...
There are times when simply talking through your pain isn’t enough. Especially when you’re dealing with trauma—whether it stemmed from childhood, a past relationship, or a recent event—words alone might not fully access what’s stuck. That doesn’t mean therapy isn’t for you. It might just mean a different approach is needed. And that’s where EMDR comes in.
If you’re unfamiliar with ...
If you're part of the LGBTQIA+ community and looking for a therapist, you already know that finding the *right* fit matters. You want someone who not only understands the nuances of gender and sexuality—but also someone you feel safe opening up to. At Clarity, we proudly offer affirming therapy for individuals, couples, and polycules of all identities and orientations.
Our ...
If you’ve ever felt nervous about being the sole focus in a therapy session—or just want a fresh approach to your personal growth—group therapy could be a powerful next step.
Group counseling isn’t meant to replace one-on-one sessions—it offers something different. It’s a chance to connect with others, share and reflect, and hear new perspectives that you might not get ...
The COVID-19 pandemic changed so much about how we live—how we work, how we connect, and even how we care for ourselves. One of the biggest shifts was the move toward doing more from home, including therapy sessions. What started as a necessary adjustment in early 2020 has now become a meaningful option for many people who want flexible, effective ...
One of my longtime mentors—and a local legend in the field of sex therapy—Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers, recently sat down with Dr. Tom Walsh for an engaging conversation on the iHeart Radio podcast Men’s Health Monthly. Dr. Walsh directs the University of Washington’s Men’s Health Center, and Tina leads the Northwest Institute on Intimacy (NWIOI), ...
In a recent KOMO News Q&A, I had the chance to talk with John Colucci about something a lot of us have been feeling lately—anxiety, especially when it stems from not being able to control what's happening around us. Below is the video from that conversation, plus a short recap of the key ideas we explored.
If you’re thinking about trying therapy but not sure how it works online — or whether it’ll feel awkward or impersonal — you’re not alone. A lot of people are surprised by how natural it actually feels once you get started. And for many of our clients, doing therapy from home has become their preferred way to meet.
Talking openly about sex can be hard for many couples, and that can make seeking help even harder. But what if you didn’t have to figure it out alone?
One of the most supportive, eye-opening options available is group therapy for sex and intimacy. While it might sound intimidating at first, many ...
During a recent therapy session, a client shared a proverb that felt especially timely as we discussed the anxiety leading up to the election. It’s an old Chinese tale that speaks to uncertainty, and it seems to resonate now more than ever:
A farmer and his son had a beloved stallion who helped the family earn a living. One day, the ...
In a time when so much feels uncertain, it’s no surprise if your relationship feels a little unsteady too. Over the past few years, many couples have found themselves feeling more disconnected—emotionally drained, out of sync, or simply not quite in step with each other. Even amid all this upheaval, though, it’s still possible to foster closeness in meaningful, everyday ...
Why does everything feel harder than it used to? Why are even simple tasks—returning a text, getting out of bed, finishing a meal—sometimes exhausting? If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, foggy, or just *off*, you’re not alone. And it turns out, there’s a name for what many of us are experiencing: depleted surge capacity.
This concept was explored in a powerful article ...
What are the words therapists find themselves saying again and again? In a national Facebook group of therapists, someone recently asked this simple question: “What phrase do you say to clients most often?” The answers that followed were profound in their simplicity—truths honed over thousands of hours in the therapy room, resonant not just for clients, but for all of ...
In this closing segment of his mental health Q&A with KOMO News, Justin Pere of Clarity Counseling Seattle reflects on the deeper opportunities that come with hardship—especially the potential for resilience, growth, and meaningful transformation.
We’re biologically wired to respond to uncertainty with fear, worry, and hypervigilance. And in times ...
In this segment of his interview with KOMO News, Justin Pere from Clarity Counseling Seattle responds to a timely question: “What can people do if they’re feeling anxiety or depression for the first time—or if their usual coping tools aren’t enough right now?”
This video offers practical, grounding ideas for anyone feeling overwhelmed by stress, sadness, ...
In Part 4 of his mental health Q&A series with KOMO News, Justin Pere of Clarity Counseling Seattle offers insights into a commonly asked question: Should I consider psychiatric medication, or are there non-medication approaches that could help?
Whether you're exploring options for managing anxiety, depression, or overwhelming stress, this short video discusses how to approach ...
In Part 3 of his expert Q&A series with KOMO News, Justin Pere of Clarity Counseling Seattle addresses how individuals in recovery can stay on track—and how loved ones can offer meaningful support—during times of uncertainty and stress.
This interview offers timely guidance for anyone navigating substance use challenges or supporting someone in recovery. If you're ...
In this second installment of his KOMO News interview, Justin Pere of Clarity Counseling Seattle joined John Colucci for a Q&A on how the COVID-19 pandemic—and other major life disruptions—can fuel anxiety, depression, and uncertainty. Justin offered guidance for those new to these emotional struggles as well as tips for staying grounded through difficult times.
Justin Pere, founder of Clarity Counseling Seattle, was interviewed by John Colucci of KOMO News in a live Q&A format, responding to viewer-submitted questions about navigating emotional health during the pandemic. In this wide-ranging conversation, Justin shared therapeutic guidance on coping with anxiety, depression, uncertainty, and the deep sense of grief many people experienced during that time.
Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or emotionally off-balance lately? You’re not alone—and you don’t have to navigate it alone either.
Whether it’s stress from current events, changes in routine, loneliness, or uncertainty about the future, therapy can provide the grounding support you need. At Clarity Counseling Seattle, we offer secure online therapy for individuals and couples throughout Washington State. You don’t have ...
Sometimes, when life feels especially uncertain, a single quote can shift our perspective in lasting ways. About 20 years ago, a friend shared a passage with me during a time when I was desperate for clarity about a major life decision. Like many people, I wanted certainty—wanted to know how things would turn ...
The start of a new year often brings a sense of reflection—and the desire for a fresh start. Whether or not you’re into resolutions, asking meaningful questions can help you honor the past and step more intentionally into what’s ahead. These three prompts are especially helpful if you’re considering individual therapy, couples counseling, or intimacy therapy.
If you and your partner struggle to connect sexually, you’re not alone. Most couples experience periods of low desire or mismatched libido, especially during stressful seasons of life. But if your sex life has become a source of tension, hurt, or distance, it may be time to get support. At Clarity Counseling Seattle, we specialize in working with couples ...
At Clarity Counseling Seattle, we work with couples in all phases of their relationship—new, long-term, uncertain, or somewhere in between. Some relationships are fundamentally healthy and worth investing in, while others have become emotionally or physically unsafe. We offer space for exploration, not assumptions.
If you and your partner are feeling stuck, disconnected, or conflicted, our trained Seattle couples ...
“The talk” isn’t what it used to be—and in many ways, it still isn’t what it should be. For many of us, sex education growing up was vague, clinical, awkward, or rooted in shame. Essential topics like consent, emotional safety, pleasure, identity, and sexual diversity were often left out entirely. Even today, those outdated messages about sex and sexuality ...
Someone recently sent me this image from Burning Man, and I had to share it. It’s a stunning art installation titled “Love” by artist Alexander Milov. Two wireframe adults sit back-to-back, turned away from each other in what looks like emotional shutdown. But inside each figure is a child—glowing, innocent, and reaching out to the other. It's a brilliant visual ...
Many of my friends have recently transitioned to parenthood, and one common theme they’ve shared is how unexpectedly hard—and sometimes even depressing—that transition can be. Most of us have heard of women experiencing postpartum depression, but fewer people realize that men can suffer too. Feelings of sadness, anxiety, irritability, loneliness, and even grief are not uncommon for new fathers. In ...
While browsing in a card shop the other day, I saw one that made me laugh—and think. It featured an older man wearing something silly on his head, alongside the quote: “I don’t know how to act my age. I’ve never been this age before.”
It was meant ...
I recently came across this quote at a friend’s home, displayed on a simple hanging banner:
"In the end, what matters most is... how well did you live? How well did you love? How well did you learn to let go?"
It struck me as one of those quiet but powerful truths. Like many meaningful ideas, it’s simple—but not easy. Learning to ...
"The biggest communication problem is that we don't listen to understand. We listen to reply."
This quote resonates with many of the couples and individuals we work with at Clarity Counseling Seattle. In emotionally charged conversations, it’s easy to focus on what you’re going to say next instead of being fully present with what your partner is trying to express. ...
You’ve probably heard the classic joke about therapists: “But how does that make you feel?” While therapists do so much more than ask about feelings, there’s truth in the idea that our relationship with emotions plays a major role in mental and relational health. At Clarity Counseling Seattle, we often help clients uncover the impact of cultural myths and ...
Here’s a surprisingly helpful equation we often reference in therapy sessions, one that can offer clarity during emotionally difficult times:
S = P × R
In other words, Suffering = Pain × Resistance.
Pain in life is inevitable—whether physical or emotional. But suffering? That’s what we experience when we resist the pain. And the more resistance we bring, the more suffering we feel.
It's easy to feel overwhelmed by the headlines—violence, division, and uncertainty seem to dominate our newsfeeds. But amid the noise, important stories of progress, kindness, and courage often go unnoticed. While 2018 brought its share of challenges, it also delivered moments of deep humanity, historic change, and quiet hope.
To help balance the weight of the world, here’s a roundup of ...
People often ask whether they really need to see a therapist who’s specifically trained in sex and intimacy issues. It’s a fair question—especially in a city like Seattle, where there are many excellent therapists. So why might you need a sex therapist in particular?
The reality is that very few graduate programs offer in-depth training in sexual health. Most therapists ...
I recently came across this Psychology Today article, and it offers some of the most practical, grounded advice I’ve seen on procrastination. While everyone puts things off sometimes, chronic procrastination can quietly erode our confidence, increase stress, and keep us stuck in patterns that feel hard to break.
Someone recently sent me this New York Times article by Tim Wu, and I’ve returned to it several times since. It touches something deep: the quiet pressure many of us feel to perform, to master, or to be “excellent” even in our downtime. And it’s slowly stealing our joy.
The article explores how hobbies have been co-opted ...
I’ve never been much of a poetry person. But this poem? It’s stayed with me for over 25 years. A dear friend read it to me during a difficult season, and I’ve shared it countless times since—with clients, with loved ones, with myself.
It’s for those moments when clarity feels out of reach—when we desperately want answers, but none seem available. ...
Someone recently shared this New York Times article with me, and though it centers on menopause, its reflections go far beyond hormone shifts. It’s really about aging, identity, and the quiet power of not caring so much about what doesn’t matter anymore. And that’s something many people—regardless of gender—can relate to.
The author, reflecting on being rejected ...
This visual was shared with me years ago, and I’ve returned to it countless times with clients. It’s a powerful way to understand how mindfulness can change our experience of stress — not by removing the stressors, but by reshaping our response to them.
The left side of the ...
Maybe you've heard of this, or even done this activity already. It was from a New York Times article a few years ago as part of a research study measuring how people fall in love. Not surprisingly that includes getting to know someone much more deeply and openly through, among other things, the sharing of feelings, opinions, dreams, and desires.
"who am I? what am i? are no longer important questions.
knowing that i am is finally enough..."
~ written by Los Angeles poet Wanda Coleman
It's a question that doesn't go away. Sometimes it whispers in the background of our day-to-day life. Other times it rises up with urgency: Who ...
So this completely perpetuates stereotypes about therapists and therapy but it's just too good not to share:
It’s tempting to want a checklist for happiness — something clear, tangible, and achievable. “Just do these 30 things and you’ll feel better.” And while small habits can absolutely improve our well-being, the truth is more nuanced: we don’t build happiness like a house. We cultivate it like a garden — slowly, inconsistently, and season by season.
Still, habits do matter. ...
Healing isn’t something that just happens to us. It’s something we choose—often quietly, often repeatedly. That choice might look like showing up to a therapy session when you feel raw, setting a boundary that scares you, or finally facing a part of your story you’ve tried to avoid.
Choosing to heal doesn’t mean you’re “over” the pain. It means you’re no ...
Let’s be clear: this isn’t a list of things to “fix” about yourself. You’re not broken, and you don’t need a total overhaul. But many of us — without realizing it — carry habits of thought and behavior that quietly wear us down. They keep us small, stuck, or simply exhausted. Quitting them isn’t about discipline. It’s about making room ...
There’s a reason Rumi’s poem The Guest House still resonates centuries later. It doesn’t sugarcoat pain or promise easy answers. Instead, it offers something more radical: the idea that every emotion — joy, sorrow, shame, fear — is a visitor worth welcoming.
If you're not familiar with the poem, this is where you may want to pause and read it. It’s ...
Every now and then, you come across a quote that stops you. One that feels like it names something you've been trying to say — or maybe something you've been longing to hear. This one, by Scott Stabile, did that for me:
“Find people who can handle your darkest truths, who don't change the subject when you share your pain, or ...
In the evolving landscape of mental health care, one trend stands out: the noticeable decline in male therapists. Once a balanced field, therapy has seen a significant gender shift, with men becoming an increasingly rare presence among practitioners.
This shift isn't just a statistical curiosity—it has real implications for clients seeking therapy. For many, especially male clients, the gender of their ...
Depression doesn’t always look like sadness. Sometimes it shows up as exhaustion that no amount of rest can fix, or a quiet sense of emptiness that shadows even joyful moments. For many women, depression is hidden beneath the demands of daily life — caregiving, work, relationships — making it easy to overlook or downplay.
At Clarity Counseling Seattle, we often ...
From locker rooms to boardrooms, from action movies to childhood lessons — there are messages about what it means to “be a man” everywhere. And while some of them may seem harmless on the surface, many quietly promote emotional suppression, disconnection, and self-doubt. It’s no wonder so many men wrestle with questions of identity beneath a surface of “having it ...
If you've ever Googled "how to attract the right partner," you're not alone. Dating advice is everywhere — lists, rules, apps, hacks. But what if the key to finding someone truly compatible isn’t about doing more or being more, but about getting closer to who you already are?
At Clarity Counseling Seattle, we often work with individuals who are exhausted ...
Dating can feel overwhelming — especially in today’s fast-moving, swipe-driven world. Whether you're entering the dating world for the first time or re-entering it after a breakup or divorce, the pressure to “get it right” can be intense. But building a meaningful connection doesn’t come from perfect lines or flawless timing — it comes from showing up as your authentic ...
If you’ve ever found yourself in a long, spiraling argument with your partner — one that starts with a small comment and ends in hours of hurt feelings — you’re not alone. Many couples struggle with recurring conflicts that seem to gain intensity the longer they go on. But there are practical tools that can help reduce the duration and ...
The 2015 documentary The Mask You Live In is more than just a film — it’s a mirror held up to modern masculinity. It explores how boys in America are socialized to suppress emotion, avoid vulnerability, and chase a narrow, often harmful definition of manhood. For any parent, educator, or man navigating these expectations, the film offers a sobering and ...